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Cover of 'The art of people'

The art of people

Dave Kerpen

Unlock success with 11 key skills

Listen to the podcast excerpt:
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Description

In business and life, success often comes from focusing on helping others achieve their goals. By aiding others, they'll likely reciprocate, aiding your own success. People skills are crucial; they help you build networks that support mutual success without direct requests for help.

The most successful individuals are not the loudest but those with the best people skills. Happiness and success depend on the relationships you cultivate. In our hyper-connected world, where personal referrals are gold, being liked, respected, and trusted is the key to influence and achieving your desires.

Table of contents

01

Grasping human nature

Understanding oneself is the first step towards influencing others effectively. Organizations have traditionally used Myers-Briggs assessments to identify personality types, but the Enneagram test offers a more nuanced understanding of communication preferences and how to interact with others based on their Enneagram scores. Dave Kerpen emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in understanding unconscious motivations and interaction styles to better influence and understand others. To connect with someone on a personal level, engaging in a genuine conversation over coffee, asking about their professional and personal life, dreams, aspirations, and influences can reveal their worldview more effectively than superficial topics.

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02

Finding suitable ac­quain­tances

Networking effectively involves standing out and making memorable connections. Dave Kerpen, for instance, wears conspicuous bright orange sneakers to events, which often leads to significant networking opportunities. While you may choose a different approach, having a distinctive style item can help you be remembered. On LinkedIn, the most crucial business social network, you can enhance your connections by completing your profile with detailed information about your education, work experience, and professional affiliations. This creates numerous opportunities to connect. Reaching out to former classmates and colleagues can expand your network through second-degree connections. To connect with specific individuals, use mutual connections for introductions, which can lead to direct meetings.

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03

Excelling in people reading

To sway others effectively, it's crucial to be an active listener, which means truly hearing what they're saying instead of planning your next words. Great leaders excel at this, tuning into not just the spoken words but also the nonverbal cues like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. These signals, which make up a staggering 93% of communication, can reveal emotions and intentions, from enthusiasm to discomfort. Understanding these cues allows you to adjust your approach, making you a more effective listener and influencer.

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04

Smart interaction strategies

Asking "How can I help you?" is a pivotal question, especially when a customer approaches with a significant issue. Acknowledging their concerns and frustrations, especially if they've been grappling with the problem for some time, is crucial. This approach of validation is a powerful tool in building connections. It's important to remember that validating someone's feelings doesn't mean you agree with them, but it shows you understand and care about their perspective. This can lead to a more positive resolution, even in the face of disagreement.

In the realm of sales, a subtle yet effective strategy is to directly inquire about the needs of a potential client and offer assistance. This gesture of goodwill, even if not immediately reciprocated, lays the foundation for a genuine connection. It often leads to the client inquiring about your services out of gratitude, effectively selling themselves on what you have to offer. This approach underscores the importance of authenticity and the desire to help without expecting anything in return.

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05

Mastering persuasion techniques

Influencing people effectively often involves guiding them to believe that an idea is their own. A clever way to conduct business is to subtly introduce your concept and let others develop it further. Embedding your ideas into captivating stories is another powerful method. Stories have a unique ability to persuade and evoke emotions in a way that direct selling cannot. They are an excellent vehicle for conveying messages and can be more effective at selling products, services, and ideas than traditional sales pitches.

Dave Kerpen emphasizes the superiority of storytelling over selling, noting its compelling nature. Social media platforms provide an expansive stage for sharing these stories. Whether it's through an ebook on LinkedIn, a narrative on Tumblr or Medium, or visually engaging posts on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, stories have a magical way of seizing attention and outperforming ads.

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06

Altering opinions effectively

Changing someone's mind can often feel like an uphill battle, with efforts to persuade only leading to more resistance. Dale Carnegie famously noted that a person convinced against their will retains their original opinion, highlighting the futility of forceful persuasion. A more effective strategy is to present your perspective and then be open to adjusting your own viewpoint. This approach is particularly useful in professional settings, such as with a superior at work, where direct confrontation is less feasible. Instead, subtly guiding your boss to discover your idea as if it were their own can be a more successful tactic.

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07

Becoming an effective educator

Teaching is most effective when it is hands-on and practical, with the teacher demonstrating the process and explaining the steps along the way. Unfortunately, many teachers simply describe what needs to be done and become frustrated when students don't catch on right away. To be an effective teacher, it is essential to put yourself in the student's shoes and model the correct way to do things. A successful teaching strategy also involves identifying and amplifying the natural strengths of students. By tapping into these strengths, teachers can help students improve and become even better at what they are good at. It is crucial to remember that not everyone is suited to learn certain skills or tasks, and it may be more beneficial to find someone more appropriate to teach or learn in these situations.

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08

Leadership skills development

Being a great leader hinges on the decision to lead by example and inspire others to follow suit. A leader's core responsibilities include clearly defining and communicating the team or organization's vision, ensuring that each member is well-suited to their role and aligned with the collective goals, and procuring the necessary resources for success. Excelling in these areas sets the foundation for effective leadership, with other aspects merely enhancing this base.

Leaders set the tone for their organization, and their enthusiasm is infectious due to the phenomenon of mirror neurons. By exuding a positive, can-do attitude, leaders can energize their teams to adopt the same mindset. To foster positivity, leaders can respond to inquiries about their well-being with an emphatic "Fantastic" and a genuine smile, which can boost morale and draw others in. They can also encourage their teams to envision a successful future, which stimulates imagination and motivation.

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09

Efficient conflict resolution

Navigating conflicts effectively often hinges on the approach of seeking mutual benefit. Entering a situation with the mindset that compromise is necessary and that your role is to facilitate it can lead to surprisingly positive outcomes. It requires effort, but the results can be rewarding for everyone involved.

In any conflict, it's crucial to distinguish between what is within your control and what isn't. There comes a time when you must consciously choose to release your grip on the uncontrollable and direct your energy toward the choices you can influence. This principle is echoed in the wisdom shared by Alcoholics Anonymous, whose meetings begin with a prayer for serenity to accept the unchangeable, courage to change what can be changed, and the wisdom to discern the difference.

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10

Mastery of inspiration

Inspiring others often hinges on shifting the focus from your own stories to how your audience can create their own success narratives. When you're gearing up for a presentation, remember that your listeners are eager to discover the personal benefits of your insights. They're looking to apply your wisdom to overcome their challenges and envision a brighter future. To truly connect and motivate, it's essential to demonstrate an understanding of their current situation and the potential transformation awaiting them if they heed your advice.

In search of inspiration for your talk? Delve into the treasure trove of historical wisdom by searching for relevant inspirational quotes. These nuggets of brilliance can enhance your message and pay homage to the intellectual giants of yesteryear. After all, with so much collective wisdom at our disposal, there's no need to reinvent the wheel.

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11

Ensuring happiness in others

Acknowledging and appreciating your team's efforts can significantly boost morale without breaking the bank. Simple gestures like employee appreciation days, where the team celebrates an individual's contributions with cake and decorations, can make everyone feel valued and excited for future recognitions. Surprising and delighting people, whether through random acts of kindness or unexpected rewards, keeps the atmosphere positive and everyone hopeful for their turn to be spotlighted.

Personal touches like handwritten thank-you notes can make a world of difference. They show genuine gratitude and can inspire and motivate. Starting with a single note and gradually increasing the frequency can help maintain this practice. Additionally, regularly making business introductions for your network can foster goodwill and keep you in others' thoughts. In the realm of social media, becoming a content curator rather than a creator can help you stay relevant and top-of-mind. Sharing entertaining, educational, and inspiring content that resonates with you and your audience can make you a go-to source without the pressure of constantly producing original content.

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